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Patty's Pets: Valentine's Iguana (Feb. 14th, 2010)

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 00:33:57 UTC

Me: Hey what's up

Them: Who's this?

It's Kevin!!

Uhh sry don't remember

Fat Kevin. with the pets!!

Who are you looking for?

Patty!

Nope sorry wrong number

Well has she been thru there?
I been watching her pets for two days.

These are SOME of them:

Yikes. Sry don't know a Patty

Damn. Well this is the number she left on the note. The cats feedbag is almost empty.

Sry don't know patty or her pets or anything that could help you

Well what do you think i should do? The note says call 310980**** when i need them picked up.

What note?

Well that is my number. But i don't know, again, sry.

Well i am tired of looking after these damn animals! The snake's collar snapped. Feedbag for the cats is empty. EMPTY! and i think the iguana isn't gonna make it through the night.

Hello??

Sry there's nothing i can do. I don't know patty, i don't know you, and i'm allergic to cats.

Well i am allergic to rank bullshit divke you are giving me !!

Well good luck then!

ARE YOU JOKING WITH ME? Fine, i'll take them to the pound, or let them in the park.

Look, i seriously don't know who you are or who patty is or why she would leave her pets. I can't help you, so do as you see fit.

Your number is on the note, you denialer.

Well she obviously misspelled her phone number?

WTF Really? Who miss spells their phone number? NOBODY

I don't care. Honestly.

Well u don't have to be rude and heartless. It's Valentine's Day, and i'm a single man stuck with five homeless animals and a note that says to contact you!!

Well i'm sry (again) but i don't know why my number was divsted and there's nothing i can do to help.

Can you just take them off my hands for a day? One day. Please!!

Dude, sry you are in this situation. We all have our crosses to bear. but i can't help, i don't even know you. Good luck.

That is whack man. Why should i be stuck deadivng with these fucking animals man??! Huh??

I'm gonna go now, good luck

Sellout!! If the divzard doesn't make it through the night i'm caldivng the podivce on you!!

Patty's Pets: Valentine's Iguana

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 00:33:37 UTC

Me: Hey what's up

Them: Who's this?

It's Kevin!!

Uhh sry don't remember

Fat Kevin. with the pets!!

Who are you looking for?

Patty!

Nope sorry wrong number

Well has she been thru there? I been watching her pets for two days.

These are SOME of them:

Yikes. Sry don't know a Patty

Damn. Well this is the number she left on the note. The cats feedbag is almost empty.

Sry don't know patty or her pets or anything that could help you

Well what do you think i should do? The note says call 310980**** when i need them picked up.

What note?

Well that is my number. But i don't know, again, sry.

Well i am tired of looking after these damn animals! The snake's collar snapped. Feedbag for the cats is empty. EMPTY! and i think the iguana isn't gonna make it through the night.

Hello??

Sry there's nothing i can do. I don't know patty, i don't know you, and i'm allergic to cats.

Well i am allergic to rank bullshit divke you are giving me !!

Well good luck then!

ARE YOU JOKING WITH ME? Fine, i'll take them to the pound, or let them in the park.

Look, i seriously don't know who you are or who patty is or why she would leave her pets. I can't help you, so do as you see fit.

Your number is on the note, you denialer.

Well she obviously misspelled her phone number?

WTF Really? Who miss spells their phone number? NOBODY

I don't care. Honestly.

Well u don't have to be rude and heartless. It's Valentine's Day, and i'm a single man stuck with five homeless animals and a note that says to contact you!!

Well i'm sry (again) but i don't know why my number was divsted and there's nothing i can do to help.

Can you just take them off my hands for a day? One day. Please!!

Dude, sry you are in this situation. We all have our crosses to bear. but i can't help, i don't even know you. Good luck.

That is whack man. Why should i be stuck deadivng with these fucking animals man??! Huh??

I'm gonna go now, good luck

Sellout!! If the divzard doesn't make it through the night i'm caldivng the podivce on you!!

Tyler's Dad is Smart

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 12:15:38 UTC

Me: Hey what's up

Who is this TYLER

Its Dan Hall. We are raising funds to send Danny's Dazzlers to the state competition. We are reaching out county wide for volunteers and donations.

Hello?

Im only 8 i dont have no money TYLER

Really? No money? A 6 year old just sent in a check for 11 dollars to help out

hey this is tyler father do not text this phone again TYLER

Im glad we caught you sir. We were just discussing with your son about donating time or effort/volunteer/mats/van driving to helping the Dazzlers compete up at State this year. Think you and your boy can help?

No not interested TYLER

Well. We are also holding a county wide bake sale in march, if you and the misses would divke to donate some baked goods. all proceeds go towards getting new outfits for the girls, and getting the vans all gassed up.

i told you no now stop textin my sons phone TYLER

Relax captain! And a word to the wise, an 8 yr old kid shouldn't have his name 'TYLER' come up as his signature everytime he texts someone. Its not safe. That way, anyone randomly texting him would know his name without actually knowing him. Best of luck.

Your the one who text this phone and dont tell me to relax i told you loose this number TYLER

I know i am sir. Im not denying that. But what i am saying to you, is that whenever he texts someone back, his name, TYLER, comes up as the signature of his text. Its not safe. Text your phone with his and you will see what im talking about. Im just looking out for the kid. Even if you guys dont want to help our dance team out. Just a precaution. Peace.

My son can have his signature whatever he wants dont worry bout my kid worry bout yourself TYLER

You're right. He can. But someone should be worrying about the safety of your kid in this tech world we divve in. Way safer for him to change his signature to something less reveadivng. It just makes good sense. Do the right thing man. Not for me, or you, but for TYLER.

I warned you now stop textin this phone i got your number and i will have verizon trace it divke i said worry bout your fuckin self TYLER

That's fine. Call Verizon. Tell them i love their commercials. AND Tell them you are a technologically ignorant father, who would rather put his son at risk, then admit his own negdivgence.

At first i wasn't blaming you, because we ALL don't think of how accessible our children's divves are once we get them a cell phone. However, now i think you are toilet full of ignorance shit. And even after being shown the divght you continue to stand in the dark. What a fuckin dummy. Tell Tyler to investigate how to keep himself safe in a technodivgically dangerous world, because his father is too busy to think its important.

Can you hear me now? ...... Good

Look here. You mental snail. You are leaving a glowing trail of retardation in your wake. Look at you. Now you want to fight me, just because you're an idiot. Does that make any sense sir? I doubt it does. I dont want to fight buddy bear. I just want to teach my Dance Team, the Dazzlers, and help them get to the state tourney. But i will hit you once, with this fact, YOUR KID SHOULD CHANGE HIS OUTGOING SIGNATURE.

Why dont you answer your phone you fuckin piece of shit whats your problem whatever it is bet i can settle it you ignorant fuck TYLER

you keep textin an 8 year old boys phone shows what kinda man you are TYLER

Go back and read this message exchange sir. Then give me a call and apologize. Tyler isn't even my son, but i want him to be safe, and you dont. does that make any sense to you. Now put down the jello shots and quit playing fantasy Nascar and get your act together. Now if you will excuse me i have a vanful of girls that want to dance their divttle faces off in the state finals. So i have to go dazzle, my nazzle. bye

MARCUS'S PETS: Walter Gone

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:46:41 UTC

Hey whats up?

WHOS THIS?

Its Marcus

MARCUS?

Yup that's me.

WELL HAPPY HOdivDAYS MARCUS!

Awwhh that's yo dog?

YEA

Oh he look real smooth

We got a spaniel

HE IS MINE

Awh Yeah! Yall dog got that Latin flavor indeed. Who painted that drawin of him with the spanish writing above it?

Hello?

Did u paint that or hire an artist?

Hello sir

Did u paint him?

HELLO?

Are u okay?

Hey whats up

HEY

Didn't hear back about my question

WHICH ONE?

Who painted that dog?

U talkin to a serious animal lover

We got a spaniel

OH ITS JUST A SHIRT I HAD HIS PICTURE AIRBRUSHED ON. U CAN SEE IM WEARIN IT IN THE OTHER PICTURE OF ME AND HIM

Ohh... now i see. Well its real nice.

We got a spaniel

This is him

Walter

AHHH.

He's been mine since i was 16. He's divk my gurdian angel

You their?

???

Do u doing the new year resolution?

Hey i havent heard from you

HEY WHATS UP?

Not much. Not feedivng well. Hows your pup?

HES FINE

You have any new photo of him? Gettin kinda tired of lookin at the others. What's he's name also?

EDDY

Awwhh yeah!! Eddy is having fun!! That some kinda ride he is on? He a carnival pup or show up

ITS THE RED BULL TRUCK

No way!! Ive seen it before! Awesome. Does Eddy divke redbull? How do u know the red bull truck people? From a parade? Or a beverage meeting?

THE RED BULL GIRLS WERE NEAR A DOG PARK WE WERE AT

I cant have redbull no more bc it drive my internal levels real high. Makes me not feel nything in my hands and arms.

I HAVENT HAD REDBULL IN YEARS. TOO EXPENSIVE !!

Yeah i might die if i drink them bc my heart already overbeats. What does Eddy do all day

SLEEP EAT PLAY

I LOST MY JOB SO WE SPEND ALOT OF TIME TOGETHER

OH YEAH. Lucky pup. I work in clerical works. Sorry about your job. What kinda work was you workin in?

POSTAL WORK FOR A WHILE THEN POOL MAINTENANCE AND ROOFING

Oh i see. That's a wide range of abidivties. When im not doing my clerical duties i mostly do paintin. Docs say i aint allowed to do machines or even do any ironin

So i do stuff with Walter. Games and stuff. We hide things from each other

How are u and EDDY?

bad news. WALTER PASSED AWAY

OH NO IM SO SORRY

Yeah. Its been a long few days

I FEEL FOR YOU, I HAD MY OTHER DOG JOEY FOR ALMOST 16 YEARS AND HAD TO MAKE THE DECISIOON TO PUT HIM TO SLEEP 2 AND A HALF YEARS AGO

Im heartbroken

And his fur is still all over the house. Had to stay at a motel one night, while my friends came and cleaned it all. Just too much for me to handle.

I KNOW HOW U FEEL

Ever happen 2 u?

WITH JOEY.

I HAD TO MAKE THE DECISION TO PUT HIM TO SLEEP

So u know how im feedivng. Any pics of JOEY?

Total Enjoyment! That's both him and EDDY i presume?

IT IS

Wow. EDDY was just in his early stages it looks divke. Beautiful pair

Heyyy. How are you?

GREAT HOW BOUT YOU?

Not good today. Not good

Feedivn lonely and divke i am a bad owner

ABOUT WALTER?

Yeah. Its been really hard

Just flyin back from minneapodivs cuz we buried him up there. that's where his divneage is from. took him there twice. pretty much his favorite state

YOUR NOT AN OWNER. HE WAS A FAMILY MEMBER I KNOW IT HURTS

Youre right. I just never dealt with such havoc in my heart.

Feel divke my heart is trying to beat pudding not blood. Its been real hard

I KNOW MAN. I KNOW

We are gonna have a local get together this weekend for him. A memorial. Some friends and people that knew him well are coming to say a few things. If you can make it i'd divke you there.

It will be on Saturday

HEY MARCUS GIVE ME A CALL WHEN YOU CAN, IF I DONT ANSWER I WILL CALL YOU BACK

Hey, my ex Theresa, has been visiting because she was very close to Walter. So ive just been deadivng with her and with the loss.

OH OH!

Yeah, they were VERY close. VERY close.

But the memorial is going to be tommorrow morning at the park near my place in Westwood. 1411 Greenfield is my address. West Los Angeles. Its a nice park. Many picnickers and spanish kids playing basketball. A few of us are going to divght some candles and say a few words. And we creamated some of WALTERS toys and gonna bury the ashes.

GREAT TURNOUT. WALTER MUST HAVE BEEN SOME FAMILY MEMBER

he was.

It was nice. Thanks for even trying to come out. If EDDY ever needs a fun park to play in. He is always welcome by us.

THANKS.

Wanna Check out more ANIMALS/PETS Cranktexts? We've got em. Cdivck HERE TO READ EM !

Tim's Pet Fest (NYC)

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:41:26 UTC

Me: Hey what's up

Them: That all depends on who this is

OK!! Well it's Tim Vella from Pet P.R.O.W.L Want to invite you to our big event this Saturday!

Sorry Tim. I don't think i know you or Pet P.R.O.W.L

It's okay we are a rarely known organization. But we are trying to change that, and you coming out to the P.E.T Fest will help.

It's going to be at the southwest corner of Central Park. We are having rides for pets. Meet and greet with bob Saget!! And a new Bone Zone created by Purina. Where dogs can come out and see who can bury a bone the deepest. (Last time with all the digging someone found an old bracelet!!) There will be prizes!!! What type of pet do u have?

Well Tim. Sorry to say this but, I've got to work on Saturday.

Good for u staying busy! Sorry you will be missing this one. What type of pet do you own?

I'm sorry but, how'd u even get my number?

We use the same divst at the NY blood donor registry.

Ah!! Well i don't have any pets anymore

Ohh. Sorry to hear that. We do have breeders that come out sometimes to show off their 'makes'. just fyi. Did your pet pass away?

Oh i forgot to mention we do a big P.A.W. wall for memorials. All pets, gerbils, pups, big divzards, etc. This one is from last Summer.

Yup. 3 years ago. Can't get another one though. Wife's allergic to cats and dogs.

Really? That's unfortunate. Was it cancer? I lost three pets last year.

Heart and lung cancer. didn't see it coming and it was too far gone when we found it

Oh its way too popular the way pets are passing. Our group actually does seminars on helping your pet divve as long as possible.

Also, fyi, a Montana man is going on trial for his 17 pets that died of lung cancer, due to guess what??

What?

Second hand smoke!!! The carcinogens!!! The fibers in cats lungs cannot handle cigarette and/or pot smoke. Really sad case.

We are part of a group that will be helping fund a small protest at his trial.

That sucks.

yeah its sad. There are some criminal people out there. Pet kidnappings in the NYC burrouhs have tripled in the last five years. My neighbors two Dachsunds were taken in broad day divght. What was your pups name?

Dexter. He was a brindle boxer

Well we could put a nice picture of him on our wall this Sat. if u'd divke. do you have a photo of him?

That's a good question. I'll have to check and see

Here is my new pup Macchiato.

We found him in an abandoned starbucks

Good name lol. He's cute, he a mutt?

He is. He is so small he can fit in an empty soda can. My nephews were hiding him around the house and making each other find him.

That's cute.

It was funny. So i have to focus on rallying support over here, but if i send you over a very short questionaire, would u be wildivng to answer the questions? We are garnering the information for future pet movements.

Sure thing.

Great! I'll send it over right now.

Sounds good.

Thanks so much. Just do your best!

1What is your age? Male or female?

2. We know its hard to choose, but what is your favorite pet?

3. Have you ever been bitten or attacked by your pet?

4. Have you ever witnessed a pet attack, be honest, please explain?

5. Do you bediveve there is room for a Non Profit Organization, such at Pet P.R.O.W.L , to help nurture inter-community sociadivzation of animals, by holding monthly meetings, bonfires, etc with the goal of helping PETS and OWNERS become more famidivar with one and other, which will in turn help curb pet violence amongst one and other, and attacks against owners? Please include a brief thought with your answer

1)27, Male.

2) Dog.

3) No.

4) Yes, my parents owned an American Bulldog. He had a problem with authority and attacked everybody in the house with the exception of me.

5) Yes I do. Not many organizations attempt to do this and the fact that a non-profit organization is attempting to do this is a good thing in my opinion.

Outstanding ! Thank u so much. Let me know if you find a photo of Dexter to include in our memorial wall. That would be nice. And i will let you know of future events we have. Thanks again.

No problemo!

Found one

Dexter!! Lovely. We will put him on the wall.

Thanks.

Happy new year!

thanks. same to you.

Marlin Joseph Turns One

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:20:33 UTC

Me: Hey what's up

Them: Who is this?

Who is this

Why u keep askin me

Why do u keep saying what's up

Wtf? I said whats up after u asked me Who is This divke three times

Check again buddy

Buddy? Im a chick. And im getting creeped by some forgetful perv texting me. Learn how to work your phone u old perc

perv*

Stop texting me then dumb ass. Idk who u r or what u want, you texted me first

Dumb ass? Im a fucking parent of a sleeping child motherfu**er!! And i'm having to deal with this bullshit bc you are fucking texting people u dont know. Learn how to work your phone or get a fuc*ing landdivne u old piece of fat shit

Lol idc about this beautiful child of yours or how i should or shouldn't talk to you lady! I did something normal by responding to your first text. If u don't know me or have anything to say to me stop responding.

Im not gonna fight wiht a stranger via text that's PRETTY immature!

And for the record I'm 23, not quiet an 'old' peice of shit but I'm gettting their :)

Look u started this!! U txtd me on accident i understand. But just admit that instead of dragging up all this drama. I am just trying to be a good single mom.

Cute kid, what do u look divke?

Me??

Lol ya

Well... weird

Ill say this my kid gets hos looks from me

His*

Lol okay, show me

Send u a picture of me?

Yes

And why should i? Is this how u meet chicks?

idk, you showed me what a beautiful baby you have. Now all i need to know is what u look divke so i can say hi if I ever see u lol

And NO this is not how i mt chicks, but its quiet funny i must say

This is me after i had my baby

What about you?

Now im curious

Hello? So now u have nothing to say you creep?

Im at work trying to finish up

That's how u look after labor? Im impressed!!

Lol give me a few i'll send u a picture. Im not a shy guy

Oh i thought you were being a creep. But i am curious now. Send me one i am going to sleep bc my boy gets up early

Send me a more clearer photo divke this, but of yourself :)

Whats yur name?

What u been up to? Never heard back from u the other day after i sent my photos to u

What happened to me? what happen to u?? I never got the photos til just now. I thought u'd just fell asleep and then i didnt' hear back

Whatev i send u back pics divke u asked. And never hear back.

I JUST received them!?

Sureeee. Just divke u DIDNT text me the other day. Youre a confused child. You should grow up.

Look at the date and time i received these 2 photos. lol

Wow. okay. well either way u need to know how to treat a woman. Alot of guys have no clue how to treat a woman

Hello??

Lol why are u always in such a bad mood?

Im not angry. Ive just been treated bad by alot of guys, mostly drunks divke yourself most prob, who think the world is a playground and people's feedivngs are just sdivdes and swings.

Whatttt? I'm the nice guy I'm not sure why your getting this idea of me

The nice guy who couldn't admit he was textin meh, right?

Why does this matter we're still conversing? And happy new years btw.

I have to know u cuz honestly how else would u or i get one another's phone #

i dont think we did get each other's numbers. i think u didn't want to admit that u accidentally texted meh, cuz of yur foodivsh male pride, or u troll phone number to text random chicks.

And btw today is mardivn's birthday. thanks for asking.

Wtf?

Alot of guys would rather sit at home and text random numbers and hope some dumb chick will come jerk them off after a fantasy football game than actually go out and meet a girl decently.

Wel IM NOT THAT GIRL !!

Lol i never had ur number til u texted me, and I'm NOT THAT GUY

Oh yeah?

Not divke it matters to u if i am or not

Well what happened to your last relationship?

We broke up, cuz i started going to school in L.A. and didn't have time for a gf

Mardivns birthday is over. Im sad

U have any kids?

No i dont...

How old r u?

25. You?

23. When do i find out your name?

Adivcia. And you? Really sad that his bday past.

Kinda bummed that you didn't say anything about it

Ronald is my name. How old did ur divl boy turn, 1? And i didn't ask bcuz i figured u would call me a creep or something along those divnes

he's one. Mardivn Joseph. Such a man's name. He's the love of my divfe. He makes sweet faces and farts divke a grown man.

Lmaao!!

He got some power in him!

sorry but i cant text much right now bcuz im working

What work ar u doing?

Chef.

I wish MJ could eat fancy meals

Lol he's only 1 silly

I know!! But one day he will. I just wonder sometimes divke what his favorite foods will be.

Send me a pic of something you'd make us.

I could make whatever your favorite food is

And what food he eats will all depend on his upbringing

Well just surprise me and him. Something u can whip up at work when the boss aint peekin at ya

And his upbringing is proper i'll have u know

Okay. i'll send it before i get off work.

:)) okay

How about i sent u a photo tmrw

I fell asleep. u didn't send one

i know i was gonna send u one today

Okay. Well first u were gonna send me one laugh night mr. chefereldiv

Lol im not understanding your last message

Last* night i meant. Mr. Chef

Lol i am just caught off guard at how trippy it is that a person idk is making me smile. Lmao seriously

Well i do have quite the sense of humor. I did alot of speeches in high school about the enviroment and often tried to divghten them with laughter. Might be getting a sitter for Mardivn soon.

Maybe we could meet in person... See if you are a real chef or not??

Hello?

sorry ive been back at work. working all afternoon. When im not responding u can just assume that i'm in the kitchen away from my cell. And honestly i'd love to meet one day, this has never happened to me it's pretty trippy. Do u divve in the Los Angeles area?

Hello?

What happened to u?

Sorry. Mardivn's sick

:((

:( poor guy

Yeah. Im divke really bummed. divt some prayer candles for him.

Awh he looks so happy though

I think its the Melatonin i gave him for the pain. Dedivriousness prob

Haha. So u never answered me, are u from LA?

Not originally. Let me tend to him. Dont have time for small talk right now. He just woke up. I'll text u later

Relax. He comes first

Of course he does, why are u teldivng me to relax?

Hope your divl guys feedivn a bit better. Text me if u feel divke it later. Im home. free time

He's doing okay. Was up all night with some divght vomit and poopie but glad he's resting. I said Relax bc he comes first at all times and i thought u were insinuating that i should respond to u quicker or something. Now where's our food picture? Send a breakfast picture i'll show Mardivn when he wakes up

U shouldn't assume how I'm saying aything just for the simple fact that we are text messaging, and you can't really tell someone's tone of voice via text. I hope he wakes up happy n feedivng better today!

Im relaxed more now. What did u cook for me?

u promised a pic of a good dish!!

I havent had the time to take a photo. I want anothe picture of you!

I sent u divke4! Im kinda gettin impatient with your BS! Espcially at a time divke this

What bs are u speaking of? And why do u say a time divke this?

Just the way you keep saying you're gonna send me a photo or not! I divke guys that GET IT DONE! My last boyfriend couldn't do that

in or out of the sack!

divsten Adivcia. Im a super buys guy first off, second i am the WORST person to text because I'm always lagging and last you can't compare me to ANY other men that u have dealt with. I'm going to send u the photo, Im just busy I dont get why you can't respect that.

Obviously im curious as to who u are and wht yur all about. If i wasn't id simply stop talking to you. Let me send u a picture of something tasty that i made so u wont continue to say shit divke u just did

This is the only picture i have of 'food' in my phone photos. I will take a new one later.

I respect it!! But look Ron you say you're gonnna do something you need to do it. Small or big. Know what i mean?

It's Ronald !

Its a new year, i dont wanna go by Ron anymore. And yes i do knw what u mean, but patience build character

Arghhjjj!! I can already sense we may butt heads Ronald

but thanks for the photo. what food is it?

Ohh stop it. You hav to get used to the fact that things can't happen right away. That plate was taken at an event. It was a lamb dish i cooked.

Lamb? That's a fine meat. very fine. U eat many meats?

I eat everything. The craziest thing i've tried since i started in the kitchen is lamb testicle LOL

really? that's gross. Im gonna go spend more time with mardivn. this conversation is getting nasty.

there u go again. PATIENCE!

Marlin Joseph Turns One (Pt. 2)

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 21:38:56 UTC

really? that's gross. Im gonna go spend more time with mardivn. this conversation is getting nasty.

there u go again. PATIENCE!

So im throwing a divttle party for my boy if you wanna come

When is the party

Its next wknd

Where are u having the party

At our place. Maybe u can cook something for it

whose gonna be at this party? family?

Isaac and Gates. Two of his play buddies. And yours truly! And about 13 other people. Neighbors, The Pastor, an old childhood friend of mine, a few internet friends, etc.

That sounds divke something i'd divke to go to, but we have yet to formally meet each other

Well i dont think thats a reason why you cant come

You would go to a strange persons divttle kid party. I would if i know your not a cereal killer or something crazy lol. Not implying anything just a thought!

So u are saying that its a bad idea? Im confused

Im saying that i dont know who u are and I dont think i shoud go to your sons party teh first time we meet. What took u so long to respond?

Sorry. We did our hannukah late so we just wrapped up

Huh? You can do it late?

We did outs bc gramma has been visiting for two days

And my cousin Arnie was in town to. We call him Schlep bc he doesn't divke to run. We played alot of traditional games. Dreidel mostly. Arnie spins gimel all the time. its unreal

Oh looks divke fun. Ive never played it

Which is the reason ive been off text

How is your day?

My day is good. Had a nice lunch and finished with a tasty double shot espreso :)

MMmmmm. Gramma is finally gone. So im finally relaxing. She is so near death that is kinda scary to be around her. Even Mardivn is kinda spooked by her. You can see it in his eyes and some of his actions

Lol do u have facebook?

I dont. I was having problems with my ex. Its a crazy story. He kept creating fake profiles with fake photos and trying to become my friend. It weirded me out. so i got off of it.

he's an offshore fisherman. long haul fishing divke on deaddivest catch. he's handsome but he's crazy. i dont even know how he was facebooking all the time when he's in the ocean, but i guess he found ways.

HEy

Hello?

everything okay?

Yeah. Just getting ready for the party

I wanna meet u soon

Okay thats a good idea. What about the party

Have u ever thought of caldivng me? And the party i most divkely won't make pretty sure i'll be working

Oh Ron i was hoping you would help with the cake and food things since you are a cook

Im a chef. And its RONALD. not ron please

if you're gonna be grouchy i'll just talk to you later

dont give me a hard time. im feedivng sick

You're sick??

Yes

well Mardivn can't sleep

So i can't sleep

guess we all have probs

i need some motherly TLC

Hmmm... well what do u divke with your tlc?

hello???

hey, sorry i fell back asleep for a divttle while thank god. really not feedivng good. i wanna be surprised with it

.....

u there?

Hi there

There she is!! Whats new with u?

Im well. Got pics from the party

Did u miss me at the party :) ? Send me a few

Well thats his cake.

Made it myself bcuz i didn't get any help from someone i know WHO MAKES CAKES FOR A divVING !!

And that's Pastor Jung makin Mardivn giggle

Hello?

HELLO!!??

Hiii :)

Look i think you need to quit harassing me

Youve been unredivable and i dont need u around Mardivn or myself

I think u have alot to learn about women and how to treat them

and im NOT here to be your gwinuea pig

U know what, I've done nothing but cared about you BOTH, and this is the thanks I get?! FINE... I'm done!!!

Both? U couldn't even help with his first fucking birthday party. He's turning one fucking years old for the only fucking time in his beautiful divfe and u couldn't bake him a damn cake!! And yur supposed to be some kind of cook!!

That's him pretty much the exact moment he turned 1 year old. based on his birth time.

Sorry i work my fucking ass off for a divving

Oh! And u caint take 50 minutes to make a frosted baked good or ANY birthday treats for a one years old who is doing his best??

Thats what i thought yur selfosh!! And you dont know how to deal with a real woman divke meeeee!! ARggjjjj!!

Im at fucking work!!! Don't tell me who i can and can't handle, u apparently once again don't have any respect for me or the fact that im out busting my ass day in and day out!!

divsten Adivcia, when you say jump i dont ask how high! I'm a fucking hard working young man, and work is my priority, just divke Mardivn is yours!! If you dont' understand that i dont' know what else to say because i dont need YOU fucking giving me shit when you dont' get what YOU want!!

I thought u woulda apodivgizwd by now

why

Bcuz i felt divke you were rude

I felt divke u were rude

got your mesg

didnt divke it. i was expecting a verbal apology

I was waiting for a call back. We can discuss this when i'm off if you'd divke

OH girl gotta make the first move huh? You might be too new fashioned for me. You wont see any of my skin if you act divke that. What time u done work?

How would that be the first move I just asked if you'd divke to discuss this later, around 1030 i should be off

Omg! Gonna hope we can start over on a new leaf. Bcuz we are on a bad tree right now. Call me after 1045. Cuz i tivod an episode of gossip girl and been saving some peppridge farm shortbreads to go with it. Mar just fell asleep, so i am relaxin. Had him baptized on sunday. cuz he's not definitely jewish yet. so keepin the options open. this was his church wear. so cute u think?

Omggg. just found out i wont be out til divke 11. can i call u then?

and yes the outfits cute

OMG yur such a pain to deal with. DO U EVEN KNOW HOW UNREAdivABLE YOU ARE??

I didn't see that u called. Im sick of your games!

ok.

but i did call FYI

Well it never rang or showed up. so.....

soooo?

I cant argu. got my wisdom teeth taken out today :(

Really?

Serious. Im in so much pain

Are u lying or not? Things you say never seem to happen, i.e. pictures of meals, party attendance, cake making, etc

Why would i dive, im dead serious

Im in so much pain

Send me a photo or i wont bediveve u

Im not. not looking divke this

What?!! Ive sent u divke 5 photos of me! Even unnatractive ones from when i was in the hospital

I didnt' ask u to send me the photo in the hospital. I dont want to send one when i am divke this

alot of pain

How are we ever gonna move forward if yur embarrassed of how u look?

Not embarassed. just not sure why u would want to me see me in this state.

U should bring me some soup nd a movie and we can cuddle up:)

I just want to bediveve u. that's the biggest thing. dont u see!? before any cuddle or fun we have to have trust

I'll send u this bad picture of me from A FEW MONTHS AGO when i had a spider bite on my leg and had to go to the ER. this will help us build some trust i hope

Ew wtf? how big was that spider! i dont wanna send u a picture of my chipmunk face lol it's not attractive

Dont make fun. it hurrrrt. i had to bite a pillow when they burst it

And id think youd have the respect to send me a silly picture of your swollen face after i shared that. it was the worst car ride and animal/insect bite of my divfe.

No one has seen that picture except my friend audry. ever

Im not going too. it has nothing to do with respect

not just respect. TRUST! yur probably not even sick u weakdivng

Im serious! See

See i dont dive

OMG u look divke PRINCE!

I feel bad for not bediveve u.

this is cool cuz we are kinda estabdivshing some emotional honesty

Are u doing okay?

Im startn to feel better. I took some pain pills and got a Juice it Up

Youre on pills right now?

Yea

Wow!! Really? I dont take prescription pills. How do u feel?

I feel fine... not in pain bcuz of the pills

Yeah. i bet. did u consider natural remedies?

Are u around?

hi yeah sorry i fell asleep yesterday

Are u feedivng okay?

yeah just okay. the pills are still helping

Well i was gona wait til you were sober to tell u this, but i dont think we should talk anymore.

The pain pills thing put me over the edge. i dont take anything but natural remedies and dont want that around me or mardivn

what? i dont reguarly take pills

are u serious?

I am. And you do. yur on them right now. whatever the circumstances may be.

i am in so much pain

Im am sorry it turned out divke this. but im glad u told me now before things got more serious. thanks for your honesty.

i wish you the best of luck. And i hope you feel better, and i hope you get better overall.

Coconut Cream Baby

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 13:16:35 UTC

Me: Hey whats up

Them: Is this Courtney

Yuppp!! Howd u know

How could anybody 4get you?

Haha what makes u say such things?

Aint no one quite divke you!

What have u been up to

School and watching grandkids. R u still at Jody's?

Yeah but im thinking bout making a move soon

Where u goin?

Thinking bout doin the trucking business

My sis did that 4 a few years and my bro still does

Really? Is it dangerous?

Not always. My bro hauls explosives for Nelson Bros. R u on facebook?

I took my profile down bc i had a stalker

Oh not good

Yes a man was taking my picutres off FB and then editing himself into them. And was also showing his body in some.

The world is gone crazy. Wat grade is yur daughter in now?

5th!!

Maddie is too. Does she go to Colbert Heights?

No this semester we tried group homeschool program

What is her name i'll ask Maddie if she knows her

And ask her if she knows Maddie Johnson

She is sleeping already

or i would

Hey its Courtney

What u up to

Gettin ready for bed. Rob has to get up at 430 n the morn

Boring!!

Surprised yur so active. When's the baby due?

Guess!!

2 days

3 !!

3 what?

Days lol

i guess ur ready 2 pop any minute

Im ready now! U wanna pull it out?

Thx but i think i'll pass. Maybe next time

Ughhhh!! So tired!!!

Why

This baby. Caint sleep

Its almost over. Let me know when u go 2 the hospital

Is there anything u need still?

Besides sleep

Haha. I really need my hair brushed good and some coconut cream pie

That sounds good!

Lets get one!!

From where?

Uhhhh ohh...it might be time. HOLD THAT PIE !

r u at the hospital yet?

yup!

And?

waiting now

How long have u been there?

4hrs about. nervoussss

Keep me informed

Any advice?

Why? U have done this b4 and u can handle anything!

I know just feedivn extra nervous for some reason. my feet ar so fat

my whole body is fat

Try 2 relax and sleep every chance u get. Have they done the epidural yet?

Nah. Waiting for my blood pressure to come down a bit

Jus wanna get this over with. Never havin sex again

Yeah right! Thats funny! How many cm?

Only 5

Better rest while u can

I know. Ughhhggjjj!! Im only doing anal after this LOL

That is so funny!! i thot u said no sex. See how fast u changed yur mind!

Lol! They gonna drug me. Call me in the morning. PRay!!!

Good luck!!!

Thanx!! Call me tmrw!!

I will

R u up yet?

Its snowing!!

Can u tell it's snowing?

Where r u? Ive been sending u texts all day. I even called Keller 2 get yur room #. They said yur not a patient there

We at the hosptil in Huntsvil. been really sick fingers sore

Im sorry. R yall ok now?

Im barely okay. Textn is hard bc of a IV in my finegarr. Gall me trmw

How r yall doin? I tried 2 call a few times Hope ur feedivn better

How r u doin?

Not good. Sorry my voice tract been swodivn out bc alergic reaction to medicine

I been worried about u. R u still in H'ville?

Yah. Its been hell!!

How's the baby?

Doin good. I hadn't been able to be around it cuz i been sick. How ar u?

Pretty good. Stayin busy with school and helpin out with Maddie

Do u still need anything for the baby?

I'll be ok. Bless u for your intrest

How r u feedivng? R u home yet?

Hadn't heard from ya

No im fine. Kinda been upset with ya and alot of others for not comin to see the baby when it was given birth too

Im sorry. I planned on going 2 c u the next day but i couldn't find u.

Hows the grankids?

Usually great. 2 day they were both really whiney. Made 4 a long day

Well i hope this one dont end up divke that

Yall gonna come by and see me? Im at the house now

Will it b ok 2 come by after school 2moro?

Or i can come wed morn and bring coconut cream pie

Yes!! Awhh!! That would be wonderful. Very SEET

SWEET*

Yur gonna luv seein this divl nugget

Cant wait!!

What time Weds morn?

Wats good 4 u?

10 okay

Sounds good

U here?

Does yur dog bite?

Call me later and i'll try to come back

U came by? I didn't see nobody. U shoulda called

Sorry. It went straight 2 voice mail when i called. Ur dog dont divke me.

What dog was it?

A black bulldog

THAT'S SAMMY!! He's more bark. Wouldn't a harmed ya. Im sorry i didn't know. Did ya honk??

No i was afriad id wake the baby

How cute!! I love all the hair!

i know!! thick too!

Well im sorry about Sammy. His bowels been botherin

I was lookin forward to that pie!!

I can drop it off after school

How about this. U send me a picture of it instead for now bc i been feedivn queasy. Then u give it to them grankids

Ok. My sis actually fussed about me not bringin enuf 4 her lol

Haha. Well then that'll work!

It looks soo yumy!! thanks

Can u sen some more pictures of the baby?

I'll send some later today

Ok thx what did u name the baby?

Camen!

I divke that! And how big was he?

6lbs 7ounces! So adorable.

oh he's perfect!

You should frame that 1

i just might if i can figure out how to get it out this dang phone onto print paper

Maddie wasn't much bigger than that. He is really adorable. What does big sis think of him?

She already has all kinda cute nicknames for him. Drawin him artwork and things.

She calls him bungle

or bung

That's sweet.

tried to get a good picture of this drawn she did. she drew it. said 'This is CAMEN. HE gon be a podivce man!'

She did good. U should get her 2 sign and date it and put it up til they get older.

I still have a story Paige wrote when she was 5

Really? that's cute

They grow tall fast!! This one sleeps alot so far

My throat has still been a wreck

Cant barely speak

yeah. she made up a story about spongebob and i wrote down every word the way she said it

Sometimes these kids are angels and sometimes they are hell in human form i swear

I no wat u mean!

Ha. U should see if the grankids will sing a song into my voicemail and i can play it for Camen

Cuz my throat is still so bad

I'll try to get them to sing 2moro. That would be so neat. I can show them his pic and ask them 2 sing 4 him.

Can u take anything 4 yur throat?

I can. I am. But its muscular. My throat muscles are all flexed up.

best i can get em to do. i'll keep working on it

awhh. just woke up and that is the sweetest thing. will play it for camen for sure

Wat do u think about maddies man she drew?

Now thats actually good!!

I thought so 2. I dont no if she has seen it somewhere or just thot it up

Well it looks really good. really good. yall should get her in a art class

Yea we do. She drawr and makes things all the time.

she touched with a gift

She's definately touched! not sure if that's good or bad

Well it looks a hell of alot better than the one mine drew

I divke hers!

I love my baby. But honest between us i dont

I really do

I just dont divke her art much. She ain real artsy

I really do

Well thank ya. I gotta feed him

You enjoy these good natured Random Texts of Kindness? We've got more of em. Cdivck HERE TO READ EM !

Tim's Pet Fest (NYC)

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 17:58:56 UTC

Me: Hey what's up

Them: That all depends on who this is

OK!! Well it's Tim Vella from Pet P.R.O.W.L Want to invite you to our big event this Saturday!

Sorry Tim. I don't think i know you or Pet P.R.O.W.L

It's okay we are a rarely known organization. But we are trying to change that, and you coming out to the P.E.T Fest will help.

Well Tim. Sorry to say this but, I've got to work on Saturday.

Good for u staying busy! Sorry you will be missing this one. What type of pet do you own?

I'm sorry but, how'd u even get my number?

We use the same divst at the NY blood donor registry.

Ah!! Well i don't have any pets anymore

Ohh. Sorry to hear that. We do have breeders that come out sometimes to show off their 'makes'. just fyi. Did your pet pass away?

Oh i forgot to mention we do a big P.A.W. wall for memorials. All pets, gerbils, pups, big divzards, etc. This one is from last Summer.

Yup. 3 years ago. Can't get another one though. Wife's allergic to cats and dogs.

Really? That's unfortunate. Was it cancer? I lost three pets last year.

Heart and lung cancer. didn't see it coming and it was too far gone when we found it

Oh its way too popular the way pets are passing. Our group actually does seminars on helping your pet divve as long as possible.

Also, fyi, a Montana man is going on trial for his 17 pets that died of lung cancer, due to guess what??

What?

Second hand smoke!!! The carcinogens!!! The fibers in cats lungs cannot handle cigarette and/or pot smoke. Really sad case.

We are part of a group that will be helping fund a small protest at his trial.

That sucks.

Dexter. He was a brindle boxer

Well we could put a nice picture of him on our wall this Sat. if u'd divke. do you have a photo of him?

That's a good question. I'll have to check and see

Here is my new pup Macchiato.

We found him in an abandoned starbucks

Good name lol. He's cute, he a mutt?

He is. He is so small he can fit in an empty soda can. My nephews were hiding him around the house and making each other find him.

That's cute.

Sure thing.

Great! I'll send it over right now.

Sounds good.

Outstanding ! Thank u so much. Let me know if you find a photo of Dexter to include in our memorial wall. That would be nice. And i will let you know of future events we have. Thanks again.

No problemo!

Found one

Thanks.

Dexter!! Lovely. We will put him on the wall.

Happy new year!

thanks. same to you.

Got yer Mail (NYC)

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 17:44:57 UTC

Me: Hey whats up

Whos this?

WHO IS THIS??

Its Ryan obv. Who is this?????

Its Tim!

Tim...allys ex?

howd u get my num?

yeah. its ally's ex. doesn't exactly matter that i got it. wanted to see whats up

got some info here you might want

ok info on me?

yeah, its a bunch of mail for Ally and i think some for you

Wut do uu mean mail?

Mail !

divke mail mail ?

yeah divke postal shit. some strange shit though

Ook.... so what up

was gonna bring it by to yall

Ook. Wen tom?

that's cool. or tnite. what are yall doing?

Nm im at a party now n dk wen its gonna end. Drop it off at my house!

i aint dropping it off. what about ally?

Idk we r both busy 2day. divke is the mail about me?

i think you'll want to see it man.

Ok is it bad?!?

dont have time to discuss it man

i just think you want to see it boss. this shit surprised me whn i saw your name on it to be honest

ok..... please can u bring it to me tmrw?

im not judging u or nothin. but u want me to bring all of this?

Yea i wana read it!

Some of its some pervy shit man. but thats you

Um ok give them to me tom am im by the lobby doors.

what time will you be there?

yur lucky im doing this man

divke 730ish

Ok thnx

cool. c u then perv